I'd prefer it be mindnumbing.

You have heard the ads for a website that sells you your otherwise-free credit report (I won't be linking to a commercial site, thank you very much). You know the ads - three guys singing a catchy ditty about how they should have gone to "free credit report dot com," and how for their failure to do so, their lives have gone horribly wrong.

These ads are driving me up the fucking wall.

The songs are genuinely catchy, but the message makes no fucking sense. I mean NO fucking sense. At least the "HeadOn" commercials do you the courtesy of never really saying what the product does (its true - pay attention next time). These damn credit-report ads are incoherent. "Illogic" doesn't do them justice.

The worst of them: musician in a pirate suit, while singing a catchy song, explains that due to being a victim of identity theft he must now serve fish sticks to tourists in a themed restaurant. That's like saying that because I had a hot dog for lunch I must now use a pen containing blue ink rather than black. Or because I took the highway today rather than local roads to get to my office, I'll have to use a 45-watt lightbulb instead of a 60-watt in my lamp. Or if it hadn't been for my horse, I never would have made through that year of college. Or any OTHER THING THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.

People who are the victims of identity theft become low-end waitstaff? Or is it that people who are the victims of identify theft are no longer eligible for certain jobs? Are they suggesting that those of us who are already educated and employable have those characteristics trumped if somebody steals our credit card? And how does knowing you have been the victim, after the fact, fix this? They aren't claiming to help you prevent or cure identity theft, just to become aware of it before you become a waiter. And isn't it true that one of the most common ways that our credit card numbers get stolen is by FUCKING WAITSTAFF AT LOW-END RESTAURANTS??

The more I think about it the more it hurts.

I'd go get some HeadOn, but I don't know what it does.